What a pisser. I cant be with people and I dont want to be alone. I lost my place in the universe. I am more lost than I had known it was possible for any human being to be.
I fantasized a lot about us. What we wore, what time we usually spoke to each other, what song we used to sang when we picked up the phone when one of us called, our different smell that became identical whenever we sat side by side. When we had an argument/quarrel, we used to bump into each other, that shows we must not be apart. I went into nitty gritty details about us, which these things keep me company at night. We live in each other's pockets. We speak and emailing and texting each other thousand times a day.
What about him? How is he feeling right now? I hated that he has to go through whatever he is going through on his own. I knew that wherever he is now, he finds the separation terrible too. Where are you? Why dont u pick up any of my calls? Are u still in Germany diagnosing yourself? Why is no answer at all back to your hometown? Are your parents know anything about you but to certain circumstances, the news is not coming to me?
He sent me Danish Roses from 'Angeline' on Aidil Fitri eve... I felt so touched that I read the message on the card and straight to my room. Alone. Locked myself inside. Cried. Read the card again. Cried. Searched for anything that can bring me closer to him. Cried. Listened to FunTalk he left. Cried. Dialed his number for I-cant-remember-how-many times. Cried again. Till I realized that its nearly 8.o6 pm and I had not perform the Maghrib yet.
I cant wait for Monday.
